You know what I most love about living in an overcrowded apartment building? I love hearing my neighbors fuck at all hours of the day.

The walls here are paper-thin, thank God. This allows me to hear loud sex coming from each one of the neighboring apartments. It's fascinating to hear the many different ways that people moan and grunt.

The middle age couple next door hardly makes a sound. But because my bed is about a foot away from theirs, what little moaning and grunting happens, I hear. Mostly though, what I hear from that room is the guy snoring long after the fun is done. The Long Islander from the next room moans with a nasally NY accent. Uhhh-oh, Uhhh-oh, hmmbaby hauduh, hauduh. The indie rock chick next door pounds the wall to her rhythmic ehhhhh, ehhhhh, ehhhhh; sometimes a guy grunts uh, uh, uh (depending on who she fucks that day).

But of all the loud sex I have been privileged to hear while at home (usually alone), the best sexual soundings were heard today. I am not convinced that my upstairs neighbor isn't into beastality after the sounds I heard earlier.

(Bass tone) UHHHHHHHHHH. UHHHHHHHHHH. UHHHHHHHHH. UH. UH. (repeated seven times just like that).

Bear sounds. Dog sounds. I don't know what the fuck it was, but it came from upstairs and I know it was sex.