Title: THE MYSTERIOUS BOX ON JUPITER

Genre: Sci-fi Realism

ACT I - COLONISTS on JUPITER are tired of Jupiter. Sent by the US GOVT to extract mega-uranium for the military, this is the mission from hell. They are sad, lonely, and physically exhausted due to the inclement conditions on Jupiter. Then they find a mysterious BOX in a great sea on Jupiter which cannot be opened. They screw with the box and then there is an ELECTRICAL STORM which screws with everything and the colonists can’t communicate with the people on earth, including the government.

ACT II – A couple of COLONISTS disappear. One guy, THE DOCTOR, turns up DEAD altogether. Now the colonists are not just tired, but they are scared too and they can’t get medical treatment. They want to get the F out of Jupiter, but guess what? They can’t! Their spaceship, which was plugged into a mega charger, lost all power when the electrical storm hit and blew the mega charger right out of Jupiter and clear into Saturn. But if they could somehow get communications up and going, they might be able to get in touch with a small AFGHANI space station. The only thing is that the AFGHANS are still a little sore about how the US did ‘em dirty again and again a couple hundred years ago. So, it’s kind of iffy, but a definite maybe, especially since the colonists have a herd of goats and a virgin to trade. (C STORY)

MICK JAGGER MACGYVER (played by Channing Tatum) is the only NAVY SEAL amongst the colonists, which makes him the obvious GO-TO-GUY when the shit hits the fan. The whole time the colonists are losing their minds, Mick is taking care of business, all the while checking out the beautiful scientist MICHELLE OBAMA RODRIGUEZ, who suffers from chronic diabetes and also herpes (B STORY & D STORY). He knows that to stand a chance with both MORTALITY and ROMANCE with Michelle, he has to get the spacecraft going somehow and get to the Afghans with the goats and virgin still alive. This is no easy feat, especially considering that Mick has a human adversary that he doesn’t know about. He thinks all the colonists are in it together, but little does he know that one amongst them, RICHARD “DICK” ROCKAFELLA, is actually a bad guy, on the mission only to foil it so he can pillage the mega-uranium for his cronies at BLACKWELL, a big bad corporation that has been legally wreaking havoc on the planet Earth for many centuries.

ACT III – Mick discovers that when you cook a goat on Jupiter, it turns into electricity. In this way, he can get the ship going. But he could also stand to lose the goats, and he has only one virgin to offer. He decides that he will risk life and love and power by sparing two goats and hoping he makes it there on time. Just as he makes this decision, he finds Dick cooking up goats just for fun. This is how he discovers that Dick is a villain. A vicious fight ensues. Have you ever seen a navy seal do hand to hand combat with a businessman? Well, let’s just say, Dick turns up cooked himself; albeit by accident – a happy accident, as it were because Mick then realizes that humans cooked on Jupiter elicit threefold the electricity than do goats and now he can get to the Afghans, no problem.

The Afghans happily accept the two goats that remain, and the virgin is happy too because after thirty six years of virginity, she’s kind of sick of holding off for the right guy. Mick and Michelle have a big sweet kiss after they charge up the spacecraft. Now they can go back to Earth and get Insulin shots (so she can live) and Valtrex (so they can have sex).

THE END