Slow Drivers in the Fast Lane
I have this to say to you: "Fuck you, fuck you, fuck you." And because you can't hear me, I say it in gestures.
This morning some bitch was doing about 55 in the fast lane on the 710. I'm in a hurry, and this type of road etiquette, or lack thereof, is simply unacceptable. I flash my lights, tailgate, wave my arms frantically - you know, the usual I'm-in-a-hurry kind of fit at other drivers that I'm known for. Well, sure enough, this bitch just doesn't get it. She's eyeballin' me in her rearview and starts waving her own arms.
She is waving her arms at me!? She who goes 55 in the passing lane? Oh no.
So I pass to the right, which I should have done right from the jump, and I slow down to match her speed. I give her the almighty gesture with a big cunty grin on my face. We hold eye contact just long enough for me to sense her fury. Then I drive off at my usual 90 leaving her to eat dust, only momentarily satisified, knowing damn well, that this bitch surely didn't learn her lesson, and it would likely take a ten car pileup with multiple deaths for her to learn the dangers she creates with her refusal to abide by the rules of the road. Even then, people like her are always quick to blame others with their bullshitous, "what's the big hurry" attitude, which by the way, is nearly always code for "I'm an underachiever."
Anyway, a few moments later I exit just blocks from my work. I get stuck at a light. And who rolls up right behind me? Of course she's from ______, I think. Makes sense. A whole town never in a hurry. Then she rolls into the parking lot of my work right behind me. Turns out she's that billings lady I always hear about but never see.
Brilliant.
I have this to say to you: "Fuck you, fuck you, fuck you." And because you can't hear me, I say it in gestures.
This morning some bitch was doing about 55 in the fast lane on the 710. I'm in a hurry, and this type of road etiquette, or lack thereof, is simply unacceptable. I flash my lights, tailgate, wave my arms frantically - you know, the usual I'm-in-a-hurry kind of fit at other drivers that I'm known for. Well, sure enough, this bitch just doesn't get it. She's eyeballin' me in her rearview and starts waving her own arms.
She is waving her arms at me!? She who goes 55 in the passing lane? Oh no.
So I pass to the right, which I should have done right from the jump, and I slow down to match her speed. I give her the almighty gesture with a big cunty grin on my face. We hold eye contact just long enough for me to sense her fury. Then I drive off at my usual 90 leaving her to eat dust, only momentarily satisified, knowing damn well, that this bitch surely didn't learn her lesson, and it would likely take a ten car pileup with multiple deaths for her to learn the dangers she creates with her refusal to abide by the rules of the road. Even then, people like her are always quick to blame others with their bullshitous, "what's the big hurry" attitude, which by the way, is nearly always code for "I'm an underachiever."
Anyway, a few moments later I exit just blocks from my work. I get stuck at a light. And who rolls up right behind me? Of course she's from ______, I think. Makes sense. A whole town never in a hurry. Then she rolls into the parking lot of my work right behind me. Turns out she's that billings lady I always hear about but never see.
Brilliant.
posted by jmcca at 9:54 PM
